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Survival After Graduation, Day One

July 7, 2017

Hello, hello! Anyone out there?


I figure someone out in the great beyond should know. So, my dear reader, my friend, this is my message in a bottle to you. Don't ask me how you got this bottle. I don't deal with physics...or logic. I'm allergic to both.


Moving on…​​

Did you know that when you graduate college, you become a target for zombies? Guts oozing, smelly, moaning and groaning.

It's definitely not a plants versus zombies kind of deal either. There are no cute plants to save you.



That’s why you NEED to know. You must prepare!


I'm boarding up the windows as I write. Hammer, sweat, write. Repeat until the desired outcome is reached (or until complete and utter exhaustion). If there's one thing college taught me, it was how to work under stress and with little sleep.


Shh! Did you hear that?


I should've taken a woodworking class in college. Maybe then I might be able to nail down these boards faster.




We've got an early bird zombie. It's like the saying goes, "the early zombie gets the meaty college grad”.


Alright so, just so you know, if a zombie arm reaches through the window (you haven't finished boarding up) the best way to deal with this is with a scream--ahem I mean, let out a warrior cry and wildly swing your hammer. Keep swinging until the arm falls through and resembles a pile of pixie dust.


Got it?



Good. Now, I've gotta run. These windows won't board themselves (why I have a house with so many windows is anyones guess).

For those who are still in college, I urge you to prepare yourselves. For those who have graduated.


Stay safe and keep swinging those hammers.


-Sincerely A College Grad





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