It's all been one misunderstanding. A BIG MISTAKE.
Huffing, puffing, and running for my life isn't something I'm cut out for.
But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me take you back to a peaceful time. This is before a giant monster with a triangle tattoo started chasing me. It's back when life made a little more sense.
13 Hours Earlier...
I'm a kid. A kid that found a green suit complete with a matching hat tangled in the roots of a tree. The great oak smelled like a grandpa and it barked out moans. I pinched my nose and salvaged the suit. After hours of washing it, I finally got the smell off.
I've only worn it for a couple hours and people are treating me differently.
"Save my chickens!" said my neighbor.
(My feelings of saving her chickens.)
There was no way I was going to play hero and rescue her chickens. My schedule was already full, full of naps. There was that nap under the town tree, then the second nap by the pond, and if there was time, I might even take a third one in the pastures.
I took her seriously when she held up a ruby. Holy cow! I made a mental note to look into becoming a chicken farmer. Who knew they had so much disposable income?
Thus began my epic quest of chasing chickens. Her chickens were in other people's houses, in a well, and on a roof. I drew a line at trying to save the roof chicken. If it figured out how to get up there, it can figure out how to get down.
I dusted chicken feathers off my pants. On to get a well-deserved ice cream with my ruby. That I mostly earned. Stupid roof chicken.
I turned around and was nose to nose with a small man in green tights.
"Find my missing leaf friend!" he cried. He held up a soggy, brown leaf with googly eyes. "Sally misses him!"
"Okay, okay," I said, ready to say whatever it took to get him out of my face.
Several sweaty hours later, I finally found something. It was trapped in the bushes next to some weird looking statues. It glimmered purple, well maybe Sally's friend was a purple leaf.
"Alright Sally's friend, prepare to get found!" I said, thrusting my hand into the plants.
It wasn't a leaf I found. It was a sword. I tugged it out of the brush. It weighed a ton.
"Whoa. You're definitely going into my knapsack."
I dragged the hundred pound weapon into my green backpack. The weight disappeared instantly as soon as it was in my bag. Fairy blessed knapsacks were the BEST.
A girl with a weird triangle tattoo on her hand came running up to me.
I couldn't run away fast enough.
She tackled me to the ground like a professional football player. She pulled me up and stared intensely into my eyes.
"I need you to save my kingdom of Midrule!"
I tried to tell her no. After the hundredth time, I gave up. I settled down for my dinner while she shook me back and forth.
"Please save my kingdom!"
"Why don't you do it?" I snapped.
She flashed me a smile that was bigger than her face. "Because you're the hero in green, not me." She picked me up and threw me over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "You're going to fight the evil and win! Whether you like it or not."
She dropped me at a rickety looking castle with a creature prowling outside.
That's how I ended up running for my life with a monster from hell chasing me.
Moral of the story? If you find a green tunic, DON'T put it on.